I went to see Frozen because I
wanted to know what the movie was about. The previews I saw told me nothing
about the story. All I ever saw was Olaf chasing his nose. It didn’t make sense
to me till I saw the movie. The directors and writers didn’t even seem to know
what this movie was going to be about.
When Elsa, Idina Menzel, freezes the
whole kingdom her sister Anna, Kristen Bell, sets out to save the day. But who
is going to save her when she needs help?
This whole review is going to pretty
much be one big spoiler alert. But then if you haven’t seen this movie you
either live under a rock or are a guy with on kids and no girlfriend. Any way
here it goes. I would like to start by asking just how far is the North
Mountain from the palace? When you see the view of it from the court yard it
looks to be a couple days journey away, but then Elsa makes it there in one
night. Then it takes Anna and Kristoff, Jonathan Groff, a little over a day to
get there. Then it takes Hans, Santino Fontana, and the other people from the
castle less than a day to get there and back. So are all these people traveling
really fast or is the mountain actually closer than the view makes it look?
Also I have to ask about the ice. At the ice palace Anna slips once and Sven
can’t walk on the ice at all. I don’t know about the rest of you, but in the
winter when there’s ice on the ground I see people slipping and sliding and
that’s just small patches. Meanwhile a whole castle is made of ice and people
can run in it with no problem at all. Then there is what the ice does to
things. I Understand it is magical but there still has to be some rules for it.
Elsa at the end makes the dungeon wall so cold it bursts open, but then as Anna
and Olaf are trying to get out of the palace and it’s so cold that spikes of ice
are forming on the walls. This makes no sense at all. We’ve had some very cold
winters where I am, we even got the arctic blast last year, but we didn’t get
any ice spikes forming on things. That would take a different combination of
weather than just really cold. But hey, magic. Now comes a big problem. Let’s
play who’s the bad guy. In the beginning it looks like it is going to be the Duke
of Weselton, with his evil scheming and probing for information. Then when Elsa
freezes everything it seems like she is the bad guy. But then we find out that
she didn’t know that she did it. The Duke comes back in the running when he
tells his guys to kill the queen. But then comes the supposed great reveal of
Hans being the bad guy. Do you know how long it takes them to reveal the real
bad guy of this movie? It takes 75 minutes to make this reveal. This movie is
only about 102 minutes long people. That is just terrible writing. People spend
the whole movie wondering just where it’s going to go next because it seems to
have no direction. Let’s also take a minute to realize there was no reason to
make Hans the bad guy. The Duke could have stayed the bad guy, Anna could have
stayed in love with Hans, and Elsa could have paired up with the ice loving
Kristoff. But everyone loves having those surprise reveals and the strange love
triangle type deals. Also I would like to take a look at this “Frozen is the
first Disney movie to show you don’t need a man to save you” thing. Did the people
that said that not see Pocahontas? No? Well how about Mulan? You say they
missed that one too? Well then I know they’ve seen Brave. I mean that just came
out in 2012. But I guess you’re going to tell me they missed that one too. Oh
well, I tried. Any way the real romantic message that Frozen has is the first
guy isn’t always the right guy. Not a bad message if you think about. Any way I’d
tell you to watch this one just so you’re up on your Disney movies, but I bet
you’ve all already seen this.
Haven't seen this movie for some strange reason? Check out this terrible preview that gives you all the wrong ideas about the movie, but it's the official trailer.
Now check out this little honest trailer I found for Frozen.
Then because I love this channel, remember there is some swearing in these clips, check out Everything Wrong with Frozen.
Come back next time for a look at Safety not Guaranteed.
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